My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
