if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
