I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
