Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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