we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
