i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
