No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
