How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
