I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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