Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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