i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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