i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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