i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
