so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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