So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
