she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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