i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
