I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
