she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
