going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
