some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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