I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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