I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
