She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
