ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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