So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
