what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
