Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
