Cold hands, warm shart.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pants are for mortals
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
