It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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