So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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