he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
