How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
