Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
operation have a gay friend backfired
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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