I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
