I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
