its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
