i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
