You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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