Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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