the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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