if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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