Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
