He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
