Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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