Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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