How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
