my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
