God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
