Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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