He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
