I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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