I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
