i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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