YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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