i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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