Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
