Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
