Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.

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  (847): the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker. http://tfl.nu/4drl
  Replies (13) Good night (2091) Bad night (860)
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  (415): View more from California

  I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.

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  (415): I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity. http://tfl.nu/h9r5
  Replies (9) Good night (1482) Bad night (612)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cherish every text you send me

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  (410): I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland (412): I cherish every text you send me http://tfl.nu/05mc
  Replies (49) Good night (6293) Bad night (835)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

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  (803): I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on http://tfl.nu/5tgi
  Replies (43) Good night (9738) Bad night (1167)
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  (916): View more from California

  Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.

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  (916): Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much. http://tfl.nu/45kg
  Replies (3) Good night (1023) Bad night (2159)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.

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  (207): Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something. http://tfl.nu/ppvg
  Replies (12) Good night (1168) Bad night (699)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.

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  (850): I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud. http://tfl.nu/igxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1356) Bad night (535)
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  (347): View more from New York

  WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA

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  (347): WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA http://tfl.nu/6u80
  Replies (5) Good night (1035) Bad night (557)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?

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  (480): Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night? http://tfl.nu/lw86
  Replies (7) Good night (590) Bad night (918)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.

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  (801): At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it. http://tfl.nu/2oiv
  Replies (4) Good night (468) Bad night (612)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer

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  (214): Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer http://tfl.nu/w9ex
  Replies (3) Good night (631) Bad night (549)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.

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  (440): literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck. http://tfl.nu/514p
  Replies (1) Good night (666) Bad night (470)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.

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  (901): 2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares. http://tfl.nu/3b6c
  Replies (10) Good night (414) Bad night (713)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.

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  (519): He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever. http://tfl.nu/34jp
  Replies (5) Good night (303) Bad night (825)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?

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  (+44): is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat? http://tfl.nu/tpug
  Replies (3) Good night (433) Bad night (176)

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