Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.