Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0