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• (631): View more from New York

  You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.

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• (661): View more from California

  Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?

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  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (714): View more from California

  you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.

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