i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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