Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  From behind she looks like Richard Simmons

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  (608): From behind she looks like Richard Simmons http://tfl.nu/z6dn
  Replies (7) Good night (604) Bad night (3291)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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  (901): Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome. http://tfl.nu/dlib
  Replies (23) Good night (1680) Bad night (3318)
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.

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  (567): you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often. http://tfl.nu/8to5
  Replies (6) Good night (3314) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.

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  (586): there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control. http://tfl.nu/uxm4
  Replies (13) Good night (1708) Bad night (3724)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.

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  (720): You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer. http://tfl.nu/ndy8
  Replies (17) Good night (4681) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  This is the prime rib incident all over again

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  (561): This is the prime rib incident all over again http://tfl.nu/74hx
  Replies (14) Good night (3277) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol

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  (303): it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol http://tfl.nu/7ss1
  Replies (1) Good night (3107) Bad night (891)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.

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  (425): Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us. http://tfl.nu/n2iw
  Replies (5) Good night (2032) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.

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  (203): Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room. http://tfl.nu/4omc
  Replies (10) Good night (2942) Bad night (1243)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.

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  (212): Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom. http://tfl.nu/fuov
  Replies (19) Good night (942) Bad night (4729)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Blow your rape whistle

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  (336): Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar (1-336): Blow your rape whistle http://tfl.nu/5qj3
  Replies (22) Good night (3053) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.

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  (916): Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am. http://tfl.nu/a8h9
  Replies (3) Good night (1991) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...

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  (248): See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts... http://tfl.nu/yx0v
  Replies (5) Good night (1203) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why am I feeling up grandma?!

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.

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  (248): Why am I feeling up grandma?! (312): I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text. http://tfl.nu/znfl
  Replies (2) Good night (1344) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Not as covert as you thought huh?

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  (740): Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years (614): Not as covert as you thought huh? http://tfl.nu/u7wd
  Replies (6) Good night (1277) Bad night (578)

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