Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.