if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.