If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...