drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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