I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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