Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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