ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
