i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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