Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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