how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???