I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.