So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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