This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
