I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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