I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
