I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
