Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
