He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
