remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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