ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
