I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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