I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
