i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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