Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize