Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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